OGDEN, UT—Admitting that it wasn’t his area of expertise, a customer at local service center Barry’s Tire and Automotive told reporters Tuesday that he wished he knew enough about cars to tell if a repair on his Hyundai Elantra should really cost one w…
Category: The Onion
Report: Every Employee In Company PR Photo Laid Off Months Ago
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TurboTax Threatens To Tell IRS Customer Cheated On Taxes Unless They Upgrade To Deluxe Version
PAHRUMP, NV—A local woman doing her taxes Thursday reportedly didn’t know what to do after an onscreen message from TurboTax threatened to tell the IRS that she cheated on her taxes unless she upgraded to the deluxe version of the tax preparation softw…
Woman Orders Jeans One Size Up For When She Wants Extra Comfy Feel Of Wearing Clothes That Fit
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Tokyo Schools Drop Dress Code Rules Regulating Hair And Underwear Color
Tokyo school officials announced they will drop controversial dress code policies for high school students, including those regulating hairstyles and underwear color and patterns. What do you think?Read more…
Chicago Police Department Lowers Hiring Standards Amid Staffing Shortages
The Chicago Police Department is lowering hiring standards for new recruits by dropping the college credit requirement for some candidates, as the agency continues to face staffing shortages related to Covid as well as a local and national reckoning wi…
Exterminator Shows Off Trophy Room Filled With Mounted Heads Of Insects
ORLANDO, FL—With a grandiose gesture toward the dozens of 1-inch-square wooden plaques lining the walls, local exterminator Keith Dunford invited reporters into his trophy room Friday to show off the mounted heads of insects he had hunted down. “This h…
Executive On Deathbed Requests Obituary Be Optimized For SEO
NEW YORK—Motioning for his family to come closer so they could hear his final wishes, corporate executive Roland Drexler reportedly requested on his deathbed Monday that his obituary be optimized for SEO. “After I’m gone, I’ll need you to make sure the…
Astronomers Announce Moon Will Be Visible Tonight For First Time In 12 Hours
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Kamala Harris Enrolls In 6-Week Coding Boot Camp
WASHINGTON—In an effort to give herself a competitive edge in the job market, Vice President Kamala Harris confirmed Monday that she had enrolled in a six-week coding boot camp. “It’s kind of expensive, but I’m sure it will all pay off once I get a new…