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Category: The Onion
Antisemitic Attacks Hit Record High
According to a report released by the Anti-Defamation League, incidents of antisemitism in the United States jumped to its highest level since the organization began tracking it in 1979, up 36% from the year before. What do you think?Read more…
Report: French Protests Can Only Mean Something Crazy Happened With Way M&M’s Marketed Over There
EQUINUNK, PA—Watching as more than 1 million people took to the streets in violent demonstrations across France, U.S. residents reported Friday that the intensity of the French protests must mean something crazy happened with the way M&M’s are mark…
NPR Launches New Podcast Exploring Lives Of Employees They Just Laid Off
NEW YORK—In the wake of a cost-cutting decision to terminate roughly 10% of its workforce, National Public Radio announced Friday that it had launched a new podcast exploring the lives of employees they just laid off. “Although the decision to elimina…
Nation Asks For Just 5 More Minutes On TikTok Before Congress Bans It
NEW YORK—Pleading for a little extra time to scroll their “For You” page, the nation asked Friday if it could have just five more minutes on TikTok before Congress banned it. “We just want to finish this four-part video of this woman discussing her te…
Short Concertgoer Annoyed After Getting Stuck Behind Man Growing Continuously Taller
LOS ANGELES—Standing on her tiptoes and craning her neck to no avail, short concertgoer Kate Wulff reportedly grew annoyed Friday night after getting stuck behind a man growing continuously taller. “Goddamn it, this guy’s got to be at least 6-foot-4—a…
Utah Passes Social Media Law Stating That Teens May Only Be Groomed In Person By Religious Leaders
SALT LAKE CITY—In an attempt to crack down on predators who seek to manipulate children they meet on social media platforms, the Republican supermajority in Utah’s state legislature passed a law Friday stating that teens could only be groomed in person…
Tucker Carlson’s Biggest Lies
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Parents Waiting To See Son’s Test Scores Before Prohibiting Him From Playing Football
MARBLEHEAD, MA—Amid growing concerns about the sport’s potential effects on child brain development, local parents Jim and Angela Garza told reporters Friday that they were waiting to see their son’s test scores before prohibiting him from playing foot…
Idaho Hospital To Stop Delivering Babies As Doctors Flee State Due To Abortion Ban
An Idaho hospital has planned to stop delivering babies, with the medical center’s managers citing increasing criminalization of physicians and the inability to retain pediatricians as major reasons. What do you think?Read more…