President Joe Biden delivered his first State of the Union address yesterday. He talked about everything from Russia invading Iran to securing the border against deadly vaccines. Boy, it was a hoot!
The post 10 Key Moment…
Category: The Babylon Bee
Congress Members Who Just Voted To Legalize Abortion Through 9 Months Criticize Boebert For Incivility
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congressmembers—who just finished voting to legalize the dismemberment and murder of babies through all 9 months of pregnancy—were shocked last night when Congresswoman Lauren Boebert loudly interrupted Biden’s state of the union. Many Democrats—who are cool with stabbing babies in the back of the neck with scissors before sucking out their brains—condemned Boebert’s display as “highly uncivil.”
The post Congress Members Who Just Voted To Legalize Abortion Through 9 Months Criticize Boebert For Incivility appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
Genius: Ukraine Halts Russian Advance By Distracting Them With Free Copies Of ‘Elden Ring’
KYIV, UKRAINE—Desperate to stop the Russians from advancing further, Ukrainians have resorted to extreme measures to keep their enemy from advancing on their capital city. Reports now indicate that Ukrainian soldiers are launching copies of…
CNN Hopes To Return To Round The Clock Coverage Of Jan 6 Committee Soon
ATLANTA, GA—Historic events such as the war in Ukraine and trucker protests around the world have dominated the news cycle in recent weeks. According to several sources within CNN, the respected news network is hoping these events die down soon …
Biden Announces Increased Spending On Smergberd, Rustamufferns, Blabtrussels
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Addressing lawmakers from both sides of the aisle, President Joe Biden began his State of the Union speech by announcing a bold plan to increase spending on Smergberd, Rustamufferns, and Blabtrussels.
T…
Update: Lane You Just Left Moving Again
SANTA MONICA, CA—An LA County traffic report has revealed that the traffic-congested freeway lane you just left is now moving freely again. Your current lane is jammed, but the previous lane is moving so fast that you can’t switch back without dangerously steering into a speeding vehicle.
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D.C. Hospitals Overrun With Injured Geriatrics Who Stood Up, Sat Down Too Much Last Night
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Following the State of the Union address in the Capitol building, D.C. area hospitals were promptly overrun by hundreds of geriatrics whose knees buckled under the pressure of constant standing ovations.
The …
Biden In Hot Water After Assuming Gender Of The Person We’re All Supposed To ‘Go Get’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden is in hot water following his annual State of the Union address because of his mysterious sign-off in which he exclaimed, “Go get him!” Now progressives are in an uproar after he appeared to assume the gender of the person we’re all supposed to “go get.”
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Biden Gives Up Coherent Speaking For Lent
WASHINGTON, D.C.—This Lent, devout Catholic Joe Biden has announced that he is giving up coherent speaking for the next 40 days.
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Pelosi Grateful Botox Helping Her Keep Straight Face All Night
The post Pelosi Grateful Botox Helping Her Keep Straight Face All Night appeared first on The Babylon Bee.