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Category: The Babylon Bee
Cats Vs. Dogs: The Babylon Bee Settles The Debate
Ah, dogs and cats. One of these is an adorable creature that will love you and be loyal to you all the days of your life, and there’s a non-zero chance that the other one is Satan. We wanted to help settle the age-old debate over which one is better, so we gathered up some direct comparisons to help you choose, should your kids want a dog. Or, for some reason, a cat.
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Salvation Army No Longer Accepting Bills Or Coins With White People On Them
ALEXANDRIA, VA—In an effort to root out racism, the Salvation Army announced they will no longer be accepting any donations in the form of bills or coins that have white people on them.
The post Salvation Army No Longer Accep…
White House Sends Out Christmas Cards With Heartfelt Message, ‘You Will Get Sick And Die This Winter’
U.S.—Americans opening their mailboxes were greeted with a wonderful holiday surprise, as the White House had mailed them Christmas cards with the heartwarming message, “You will get sick and die this winter.”
The…
Omicron, Tornadoes, And Spider-Man: The 100% Accurate Babylon Bee News Roundup
Wow! What a week! That sure was seven days of stuff happening. So to catch you up, here’s all you need to know from the week from the news you can trust. We’ll make a lot of stuff up, but we’ll never lie to you.
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Here Are The Items Most Affected By The Supply Chain Shortage
Supply chain shortages are here, and it’s affecting everyone across the country. From toilet paper and meat to your favorite flavor shot at Starbucks, all the essentials are being threatened.
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Movie Character Who Just Coughed Clearly About To Be Diagnosed With A Terminal Disease
U.S.—As the camera panned across the dining room table showing actors discussing a plot-moving event that occurred earlier that day, one character’s quip about the seemingly unimportant event was interrupted by a short, but noticeable coug…
Hillary Clinton Reportedly Considering Losing Again In 2024
WASHINGTON, DC—The beltway was buzzing this week as rumors spread that Hillary Clinton was seriously considering another humiliating loss in the 2024 presidential election.
The post Hillary Clinton Reportedly Considering Losi…
Pastor Trying To Reach Pulpit Goes Missing In Forest Of Poinsettias
MACON, GA—Rescue crews are searching for a local pastor who went missing while attempting to locate his pulpit in a dense forest of poinsettias.
The post Pastor Trying To Reach Pulpit Goes Missing In Forest Of Poinsettias app…
Fed-Up Statue Of Liberty Moves To Florida
MIAMI, FL—Tourists unloading from the ferry onto Liberty Island in New York Harbor were met with disappointment this week, as the pedestal upon which the Statue of Liberty once stood was empty. Instead, a letter on stationery the size of a …