WATERTOWN, SD — A local mother caused irreparable harm to her teenage son today, committing the cardinal sin of existing outside of the family home and being visible to anyone he knows.
LOS ANGELES, CA — In a rare public statement, The Prince of Darkness has distanced himself from last night’s Grammys performance by Sam Smith, which he denounced as “cringy” and “appalling.”
LA JOLLA, CA — Local man Josiah Burt veered dangerously close to ending his day in peace after hours of productive work, family time, and spiritual sensitivity. Reports say that while brushing his teeth, he visited Twitter, barely saving him from a sen…
BEIJING — The Chinese Communist Party has assured world leaders that the massive fleet of warships heading toward Taiwan is just checking on the weather in the Taiwan Strait.
HUNTSVILLE, AL — Despite having faithfully shepherded his congregation for twelve years, local Pastor Reagan Johnson has been removed from his post after a concerned congregant notified the elder board of his failing to have “Husband. Father. Pastor.” …
ODESSA, TX — Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant’s worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.
ISRAEL — Scholars now believe that the disciples who handed out food so ably to the five-thousand may have in fact been Chick-fil-A employees.
U.S. — The Pentagon officially went ahead with their plan to shoot down the Chinese spy balloon as it was getting too close to Ukraine’s borders, sources confirmed Saturday.
MIAMI, FL — Tom Brady announced today he has officially signed a three year contract with the Sunnyshade Retirement Home Shuffleboard Team.
Hey everyone, sorry it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. It’s just been crazy around here!