QATAR — Todd Ballings, a FIFA referee representing U.S. rule keepers in the 2022 World Cup, is reported to have quietly pulled aside an assistant referee to see if they thought it was too late to admit he doesn’t know what offsides is.
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Category: The Babylon Bee
Man Reads Tweet He Disagrees With, Dies
RALEIGH, NC — Local man Alex Harmon tragically passed away this afternoon after reading a tweet that he didn’t really agree with.
Starbucks Begins Promotion Offering Free Coffee If You Correctly Guess Your Barista’s Gender
SEATTLE, WA — In a move that seems destined to produce both increased interest and controversy, coffee giant Starbucks has announced the start of a new promotion in which customers will receive a free shot of espresso if they are able to correctly gues…
Experts Warn That If You Stop Listening To Them They’ll Feel Sad
U.S. — As distrust in experts reaches record highs across the country, many experts are issuing a dire warning that if you stop listening to them it will make them feel sad.
Anakin Skywalker Turns Back From The Dark Side After Binging Jordan Peterson Videos
JEDI TEMPLE, CORUSCANT — Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker has turned away from his path to the Dark Side after stumbling across Jordan Peterson videos on Youtube and picking up a 12 Rules For Life hologram.
10 Ways To Protect Your Kid From Groomers
It seems like no matter where you look these days, there’s some godless communist trying to groom your kids! Don’t let it happen!
Trans Furry Named Best In Show At National Dog Show
OAKS, PHILADELPHIA — The Kennel Club‘s annual dog show competition was taken by storm this year by first-ever trans furry competitor Blake Ruff. The decision was made unanimously by judges to award Mr. Ruff with the event‘s most coveted title of ‘Best …
Obama Wondering Why US Team Didn’t Just Drone Strike Iranians
QATAR – Former president Barack Obama was among the millions of Americans who enjoyed watching the United States’ thrilling 1-0 victory over Iran in the World Cup. However, after the game he had questions about the Americans’ strategy.
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Deadpool Makes Surprise Cameo Appearance In ‘The Chosen’ Season 3
HURRICANE, UT — In a stunning announcement, Disney has revealed “The Chosen” will be incorporated into the Marvel Multiverse following a cameo appearance by Deadpool in the show’s upcoming third season.
Bob Iger Vows To Cut Back To Only 7 LGBT Characters In Every Kid’s Movie
BURBANK, CA — As part of a new pledge to “quiet down” the company’s aggressive push for progressive themes in its content, returning Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed the entertainment giant will cut back to including only seven LGTB characters in each …