TALLAHASSEE, FL — Liberal activist Sharon Welch declared today that she was “literally living in Nazi Germany” after parents removed pornographic material from an elementary school library.
Category: The Babylon Bee
New Evidence Suggests Walls Of Jericho Fell After Joshua Finished Sick Sax Solo
ISRAEL — Newly uncovered evidence shows that the walls of Jericho crumbled to the ground right after Joshua finished playing an absolutely boss saxophone solo.
Satan Testifies Before Congress In Defense Of TikTok
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Lord of Darkness dropped by Congress to offer testimony on behalf of his favorite app, TikTok.
Hunter Wishing He’d Known About This ‘Hush Money’ Concept A Whole Lot Earlier
LOS ANGELES, CA — As the legal drama surrounding former President Donald Trump’s alleged inappropriate payments of “hush money” to adult film star Stormy Daniels years ago continues, the son of current President Joe Biden has been left frustrated after…
Passenger Turns To God In Humble Prayer As He Sees Man With Huge Gut Hanging Out Of Shirt Lumbering Down Airplane Aisle
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — A local man’s heart was finally apprehended by the Almighty God today, as he humbled himself and turned to the Lord in prayer while sitting in his seat on an airplane and seeing an obese man with his stomach hanging out from his sh…
Putin Impressed With American System Of Prosecuting Political Opponents
MOSCOW — America has long been an example to the world but has finally caught Russia’s attention with its system of prosecuting political opponents. According to reports, President Vladimir Putin is actively considering restructuring Russia’s Ministry …
11 Great Reasons To Stay In California
According to reports, hundreds of thousands of people have fled California in recent years, citing minor annoyances like aggressive homeless people, increased violent crime, and crippling taxes. Some experts believe that by 2030, the only person left i…
Pilot Welcomes Passengers Aboard And Reassures Them He Was Not A Diversity Hire
DALLAS, TX — Passengers boarding American Airlines flight 467 from Dallas to Chicago were welcomed by pilot Walter Kerry, who quickly assured them that he was not a diversity hire.
Trump Exploits Little-Known Legal Loophole Where You Avoid Indictment By Not Committing A Crime
PALM BEACH, FL — As rumors continue to filter in that Manhattan D.A. Alvin Bragg’s attempt to indict former President Donald Trump is falling apart, a new report has indicated Trump’s team of attorneys is seeking to exploit a little-known legal loophol…
Trans Community Feeling Unsafe Knowing There’s A Hockey Player Somewhere Out There Not Wearing A Pride Jersey
U.S. — Representatives from the trans community across the nation are reporting record levels of feeling “extremely unsafe” due to the knowledge that somewhere out there, a hockey player might not be wearing a pride jersey.