WASHINGTON, D.C. — Morale at the FBI has reportedly never been higher because agents no longer have to travel abroad to turn countries into banana republics.
Category: The Babylon Bee
Number Of True Crime Podcasts Surpasses Number Of Murders
U.S. — Results of a new study have confirmed that the number of “true crime” podcasts produced has officially surpassed the number of actual murders in the world, per capita.
10 Iconic Milestones In Women’s History
It’s Women’s History Month–an important time to celebrate the most meaningful contributions of women around the world! In honor of women, here are just a few of the most iconic milestones and achievements in women’s history.
Biden Offers Hush Money To 330 Million Americans To Not Tell Anyone How Bad He’s Doing
WASHINGTON, DC — In what the media and political experts are hailing as an ingenious move, President Joe Biden has announced a plan to offer “hush money” to 330 million Americans so they won’t tell anyone how bad he’s doing as President.
God Confirms Man Crushes On Henry Cavill Not Gay
WORLD — At what some are calling a modern-day ecumenical council, it was declared that man crushes on former Man of Steel actor Henry Cavill do not disqualify the soul from its heavenly reward and are decidedly “not gay.” The claim was reportedly made …
Family Does Modified Version Of Dave Ramsey Plan Where They Just Never Budget And Spend Way Too Much Money
BAKERSFIELD, CA — While Dave Ramsey purists have long touted the importance of following his strict budgeting plan as written, one Southern California family has taken an innovative approach: calling it “Dave Ramsey Lite,” where they just avoid budgeti…
Striking Los Angeles Teachers Threaten To Return To Classrooms If Demands Not Met
LOS ANGELES, CA — As tensions continue to rise amid negotiations for a new contract, Los Angeles Unified School District teachers threatened to return to their classrooms and resume teaching students if their demands are not met.
Breakthrough: Xi Announces Deal In Which Russia Stays In Ukraine And China Invades Taiwan
MOSCOW — The world breathed a collective sigh of relief today as Chinese President Xi Jinping announced a historic peace agreement in the Russian-Ukrainian war in which Russia will stay in Ukraine permanently and China will also invade Taiwan.
9 Things More Trustworthy Than A Bank
Oh no! Silicon Valley Bank imploded on itself, dealing a significant blow to our economy! If only those dumb rich people were smart enough to stop putting their money in a bank.
Man Sentenced To Life In Prison For Filming A Reaction Video That Adds Nothing To The Actual Video
COLUMBIA, MO — An extended court battle concluded this week when local content creator Jake Campbell’s defense attorneys failed to convince judges to commute his sentence. Campbell has been found guilty of filming a full reaction video that added nothi…