Category: The Babylon Bee

Fauci Recommends Stopping Spread Of Monkeypox By Covering Eyes, Ears, Mouth

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Monkeypox pandemic has finally breached the shores of the United States, with the CDC confirming a staggering 1 infections so far. In response, America’s favorite, most trusted doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, issued a statement recommending people stop the spread of Monkeypox by covering their eyes, ears, and mouth.

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POLL: 52% Of Nation Now Desire To Ditch Republic, Establish Monarchy With Ultra MAGA King

U.S.—The results of a CNN poll revealed that 52% of Americans are in favor of abolishing the nation’s Democratic Republic in favor of a monarchy ruled by an Ultra MAGA King. Another 39%—mostly bureaucrats—are reportedly satisfied with the current system of government.

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