Amazon workers at a Staten Island, NY processing facility have won a historic vote to form the first-ever collective bargaining unit at the e-commerce giant, despite months of an aggressive anti-union campaign run by the company. What do you think?Read…
Author: The Onion
Report: You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day
BOSTON—In an exhaustive analysis of the most up-to-date human anatomical studies, a report released Tuesday by researchers at Boston University’s School of Public Health concluded that it was completely possible for you to just lose an arm one day. “Th…
Dad Buried In Court Clothes
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Kamala Harris Confirms Crack In Office Ceiling Seems Slightly Longer Today
WASHINGTON—Insisting that there was an appreciable difference over the past 24 hours, Vice President Kamala Harris confirmed Tuesday that the crack in the office ceiling seems slightly longer today. “It could be a shadow, but it really does seem bigger…
D.C. Police Find 5 Fetuses In Home Of Anti-Abortion Activist
Washington, D.C. officers discovered five fetuses inside the basement apartment of an anti-abortion activist who was also recently indicted on federal charges for blocking access to a reproductive health center. What do you think?Read more…
White House Press Secretary Asks Reporter Chanting ‘Kill, Kill, Kill’ If He Has An Actual Question
WASHINGTON—After letting out a sigh of apparent exasperation, outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki took a pointed tone during Monday’s briefing when she asked a reporter chanting “Kill, kill, kill” if he had an actual question for her. “Is th…
The Sun: You Don’t Want To Be Around When This Thing Blows Up
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What To Say If Someone Catcalls You
When a stranger shouts sexually inappropriate comments at you on the street, it’s demoralizing, and it can often be hard to stand up for yourself. If someone catcalls you, don’t back down—say these things to them instead.Read more…
Panasonic Recalls 2 Million Microwaves That Got Dirty
NEWARK, NJ—Following hundreds of reports of strange-colored smears and unpleasant odors, Panasonic issued a product recall Monday on 2 million microwaves that got dirty. “It was never our intention that these microwaves would get splattered with soup a…
‘You Have Abandoned Us, So Shall Ye Be Abandoned!’ Bellow Employees At Coworker Returning From Vacation
MILWAUKEE—Arguing that such rank betrayal deserved equal recompense, Crain Systems employees reportedly bellowed Monday that just as coworker Tyler Simmons had abandoned them, “so shall ye be abandoned” after his three-day vacation. “Do you think u…