Read more…
Author: The Onion
Left-Wing Group Too Disorganized For FBI Agents To Infiltrate
NEW YORK—Admitting that they had been working for several years without any discernible success, FBI agents confirmed Wednesday that a local left-wing political group was too disorganized to infiltrate. “We’ve had a few guys in there posing as members…
Last Salem Witch Pardoned
Massachusetts lawmakers have formally exonerated Elizabeth Johnson Jr., clearing her name 329 years after she was convicted of witchcraft in 1693 and sentenced to death at the height of the Salem Witch Trials. What do you think?Read more…
‘I Said No Gifts!’ Screams Mom As Cloud Of Birthday Presents Begin To Violently Swirl Around Room
HUDSONVILLE, MI—Glaring at the family members who had dared disrespect her wishes, local mother Clarissa Sandona reportedly screamed “I said no gifts!” Wednesday as a cloud of birthday presents began to violently swirl around the room. “I told you I ha…
Off-Duty Officer Instinctively Reaches To Turn Off Body Cam During Argument With Wife
Read more…
Archaeologists Uncover Ancient ‘Big Dog’ Shirt Christ Wore To Sleep In
JERUSALEM—In an astounding find that experts say offers a look at the intimate home life of Jesus of Nazareth, a team of archaeologists announced Wednesday they had uncovered the ancient Big Dog shirt that Christ wore to sleep in. “The discovery of th…
Statue Reacts To Video Of Statue
Read more…
CEO Pay Rose 17% Last Year
Pay for CEOs who run the biggest U.S. companies soared 17.1% in 2021, up to a median of $14.5 million. What do you think?Read more…
Gun Laws In Every State
Guns may be legally wed after 16 years of ownership.Read more…
Point/Counterpoint: A Self-Driving Tesla Ran Over My Son vs. Elon Musk Is Revolutionizing The Way We Kill People
By Amy BlevindaleRead more…