NORFOLK, VA—In a star-spangled ceremony honoring the many contributions of the bodies of water to the Allied cause, the U.S. Navy issued formal thanks Monday to the oceans for their decisive assistance in winning World War II. “Without the tide that ca…
Author: The Onion
Scientists Discover Ancient Forest Inside Giant Sinkhole In China
Scientists in China have discovered a well-preserved ancient forest at the bottom of a giant sinkhole 630 feet deep with trees more than 100 feet tall that they believe could be home to numerous undiscovered species. What do you think?Read more…
Celebrities Explain How They Are Supporting Abortion Rights
After a leaked Supreme Court decision indicated Roe vs. Wade would be overturned, many were shocked and appalled. The Onion asked celebrities how they are supporting legal access to abortion, and this is what they said.Read more…
Report: Only 12% Of Americans Have Met Person They’re Cloned From
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Dr. Oz Sells Garcinia Cambogia Supplement Guaranteed To Lower Taxes
HARRISBURG, PA—Touting the pill as a “miracle drug” at rallies and in his campaign literature, U.S. Senate candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz reportedly began selling garcinia cambogia pills Monday that he said were guaranteed to lower taxes. “Folks, dropping tho…
Senate Republicans Block Domestic Terrorism Prevention Bill
Senate Republicans have blocked a bill designed to combat domestic terrorism by setting up offices to track domestic terrorist activity and identify risks in order to prevent more incidents like the racially motivated mass shooting in Buffalo. What do …
Psychology Fact: Did You Know?
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Biggest Revelations From The Johnny Depp–Amber Heard Trial
After six weeks of constant analysis and content, the verdict is in: We are as a people simply too impatient, stupid, and psychologically stunted to be discussing this trial at all.Read more…
Vatican Scientists Successfully Transplant Pig Soul Into Human
VATICAN CITY—In what theologians are describing as a giant step forward in divine surgery, a team of Vatican scientists successfully transplanted a pig soul into a human for the first time in church history, sources within the Holy See reported Friday….
Desperate Judge Makes Lethal-Injection Drugs In Courthouse Toilet
NASHVILLE, TN—Determined not to let a lack of available substances prevent him from executing an inmate on death row, desperate Tennessee judge Gary Hargreave was reportedly making lethal-injection drugs in a courthouse toilet Friday. “It’s not ideal,…