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Author: The Onion
Beyoncé: A Career Timeline
Beyoncé will release her seventh album, Renaissance, on July 29. The Onion looks back at the major milestones in the career of one of the world’s most celebrated artists.Read more…
Former CIA Officer Testifies That CIA Really Crazy When You Think About It
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Republicans Explain Why They Voted Against Veterans’ Healthcare
“I voted no because the bill would create $400 billion in unnecessary spending to help people.”Read more…
Bootlegger Outside Concert Selling Knockoff Lady Gagas
LAS VEGAS—Urging concertgoers to pick up a version of the multiplatinum pop star before entering the venue, bootlegger Frank Rossi spent Friday outside the Dolby Live theater in Las Vegas trying to convince fans to buy knockoff Lady Gagas. “All right, …
Toyota Unveils Multifamily Tenement Sedan For People Living Out Of Their Cars
PLANO, TX—Touting the benefits of the vehicle for the contemporary American lifestyle, Toyota unveiled a multifamily tenement sedan Friday for people living out of their cars. “With 150 horsepower, a state-of-the-art navigational system, and retractabl…
Trump Hosts Saudi-Backed ‘Jamal Khashoggi Was No Saint’ Golf Tournament
BEDMINSTER, NJ—Praising the recently formed LIV Golf league for partnering with him on the groundbreaking event, former President Donald Trump hosted the Saudi-backed “Jamal Khashoggi Was No Saint” Tournament Friday at the Trump National Golf Club Bed…
Skittles Lawsuit Claims Candy ‘Unfit For Human Consumption’
A California man has sued Mars, the company that makes Skittles, claiming the use of titanium dioxide in the candy makes it “unfit for human consumption,” the additive being linked to genotoxicity which can potentially cause cancer. What do you think?R…
Nation Spends Romantic Date On 330-Million-Person Tandem Bike
WASHINGTON—Remarking how nice it was to get out of the house and do something active for once, citizens of the United States of America shared a romantic date Friday on a 330 million-person tandem bike. “Oh wow, I love feeling the breeze in my hair, an…
Documentary Introduces Eastern European Country With Solid ‘Old Man Driving Donkey Cart’ B-Roll
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