Elon Musk has pledged to remove all verification for accounts that refuse to pay $8 per month for Twitter Blue. The Onion asked verified Twitter users how they felt about losing their coveted blue checks, and this is what they said.Read more…
Author: The Onion
Man Declared Legally Dead Wakes Up In Urn
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Girlfriend Suspicious Boyfriend Cheating After Finding Another Woman’s Head
ALPHARETTA, GA—Feeling absolutely livid over the blood-stained discovery, 26-year-old Katy Ellis was reportedly suspicious that boyfriend Tyler Veith was cheating on her Friday after finding another woman’s head in their apartment. “Now who the hell do…
Italian Museum Invites Florida Students To See Some Real Porn
FLORENCE, ITALY—After a Tallahassee parent complained that pictures of Michelangelo’s David shown to a sixth-grade art class were “pornographic,” causing a principal to lose her job, officials from Italy’s Galleria dell’Accademia invited Florida studen…
Ingenious Forms Of Birth Control Used In Ancient Times
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Police Sue Rapper For Using Footage Of Them Raiding His Home In Music Videos
Police are suing the rapper Afroman for invasion of privacy after the artist used home security footage in his music videos of officers raiding his home on unfounded suspicions of drug trafficking and kidnapping. What do you think?Read more…
Dan Snyder Willing To Sell Washington Commanders To Whitest Bidder
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Nuts And Buries
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Jimmy Carter Enrolls In 2-Year Program To Become Dental Hygienist
PLAINS, GA—Calling the move a solid investment in his future, former President Jimmy Carter, 98, announced Thursday that he had enrolled in a two-year program at an Atlanta technical college that would allow him to become a dental hygienist. “I’ve alwa…
Biden, Trump Die 2 Minutes Apart Holding Hands
WASHINGTON—In a heartwarming and touching end to the story of two soulmates, sources confirmed Thursday that President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump died two minutes apart holding hands. “Only minutes before their deaths, they requested t…