Author: The Onion

New Florida Bill Allows Guns To Start Businesses

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an effort to achieve greater equality among a community deeply woven into the fabric of the state’s culture, a new Florida bill signed into law Friday would allow guns to start businesses. “For too long, pistols and semiautomatic rif…

Every Professional Sports Team Moves To Las Vegas

LAS VEGAS—Citing a favorable economic climate and a growing fanbase clamoring for more opportunities to watch games, every single professional sports team announced Friday that they are moving to Las Vegas. “We are excited to break ground on our new st…