Seven-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady has announced his second retirement from the NFL a year after announcing it the first time and after a regular season in which his Buccaneers finished with an 8-9 record. What do you think?Read more…
Author: The Onion
Teen Boys Beat Shit Out Of ChatGPT Servers After It Only Gets Them ‘C’ On Assignment
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Rules To Follow When Dating A Friend’s Ex
There are 8 billion other people on the planet, and yet you’ve chosen to date a friend’s ex. If you’re currently stuck in this unfortunate situation, here are some rules you should follow.Read more…
Revised AP African American Studies To Focus Mostly On Herman Cain’s Rise To Pizza CEO
NEW YORK—In a move designed to make the curriculum more palatable to conservatives, the College Board announced Thursday that its revised AP African American Studies course would focus mostly on Herman Cain’s rise to CEO of a pizza restaurant chain. “A…
Biden Casually Tells National Prayer Breakfast He’s Been To Heaven Several Times
WASHINGTON—As he transitioned from an anecdote about how his personal faith had allowed him to overcome many hardships in life, President Joe Biden casually mentioned during the National Prayer Breakfast Thursday that he had been to heaven several time…
Kamala Harris Reminds Self Not To High-Five Cops During Memphis Trip
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Green Comet Slows Down To Gawk As It Passes Totally Wrecked Planet
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Victoria’s Secret Apologizes For Ill-Advised Body Positivity Campaign Showing Horse Wearing Bra
REYNOLDSBURG, OH—In what the lingerie retailer described as a well-meaning but ultimately misguided attempt to give its customers what they wanted, Victoria’s Secret apologized Thursday for an ill-advised body positivity campaign that included images i…
What To Know About YouTube Influencer MrBeast
With over 130 million subscribers, MrBeast is one of the top YouTubers of all time, an influencer who has having earned both praise and criticism for his expensive stunts. The Onion takes a deep dive into the life and times of MrBeast.Read more…
Party Hat Leaves Circular Bruise On Grandma
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