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Man On 8th Booster Still Chasing That High He Got With The First Shot
BOSTON, MA—According to sources, local man Marley Maddingly is on his 8th COVID booster, but he’s still chasing that high he felt when he got that first Pfizer shot to protect himself and others while showing the world he was a good person.
The post Man On 8th Booster Still Chasing That High He Got With The First Shot appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
Merriam-Webster Replaces Definition Of ‘Woman’ With Shrug Emoji
U.S.—No longer able to keep up with the endlessly fluid definition of the word "woman," Merriam Webster has elected to replace the traditional definition of "adult female person" with a more open-ended "shrug" emoji…
SATs Will Now Have Section Quizzing You On Your Teacher’s Sexuality
U.S.—The Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) has been updated to feature a section that quizzes test takers on their teacher’s sexuality. The questions are part of a new Diversity category that complements the existing Reading, Writing & Language, and Math categories.
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Christian Has Devastating Crisis Of Faith After Internet Atheist Informs Him Jesus Wasn’t White
BAKERSFIELD, CA—This week, longtime evangelist Nate Groze found himself grappling with his Christian beliefs during an online debate. He was presenting evidence for the resurrection when interrupted by the revelation that Jesus wasn’t whit…
12 Red Flags That Will Prevent You From Buying A Firearm
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Breaking: Every Dad Who Received ‘#1 Dad’ Mug To Face Off In Giant Deathmatch
WORLD—With over 30 million “#1 Dad” mugs given out this Father’s Day, all dads who received this mug have been ordered to face off in a giant deathmatch to determine who the true “#1 Dad” is.
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Nation’s Dads Participate In Ancient Ritual Of One Yearly Guilt-Free Nap
WORLD—Today, patriarchs around the world participated in an ancient Father’s Day ritual passed down through centuries: their one annual guilt-free afternoon nap.
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Nation Takes Short Break From Telling Fathers That They’re Useless, Easily Replaceable Idiots
U.S.—For one brief day, America is putting on hold the constant messaging that fathers are useless jackwagons who should have no say in childrens’ lives.
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Doctors Say Biden Recovering From Bike Crash Fine, Just Has A Few Scrapes And Alzheimer’s
WILMINGTON, DE—Doctors report that President Biden is recovering well from his bike crash, showing only a few minor scrapes and advanced Alzheimer’s.
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