WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement given this week, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she feels for Americans struggling with prices at the pump and offered a suggestion for how to cope by becoming a millionaire through insider trading.
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Author: The Babylon Bee
Infographic: How To Spot A Homeschooler
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Zelensky Disappointed Biden Only Sent Him Ben Stiller Instead Of The Will Ferrell He Requested
KYIV—President Zelensky of Ukraine has reportedly contacted the White House to arrange the return of Ben Stiller which was sent to his address by mistake. According to sources, he had requested Will Ferrel via mail-order from America’s stock of pandering celebrities.
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Frustrated Capitol Gift Shop Lady Finally Puts Up Sign Saying ‘NO WE DO NOT SELL BUFFALO HAT SOUVENIRS’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to inside sources, the Capitol Gift Shop has been inundated with tourists looking for Jan 6 hearing souvenirs leading one irritated employee to tack up a large sign at the entrance to the store reading “NO WE DO …
10 Times Socialism Actually Worked
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‘A Man’s Home Is His Castle,’ Says Man Sitting Under 25 Floral Throw Pillows
PALMDALE, CA—This week, local man Joseph Briones gave a rousing speech to his family about his role as king of his home. During his monologue, Briones cast a compelling vision of male leadership, all from under 25 floral pillows o…
Democrats Announce ‘January 6 Hearings On Ice’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—As ratings continue to fizzle for the January 6th hearings, Democrats are trying a new format to bring the committee’s scandalous findings to a wider audience.
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After ‘Lightyear’ Bombs, Disney Quietly Cancels Their Upcoming Movie ‘Brokeback Woody’
BURBANK, CA—With Lightyear and its cartoon lesbian romance flopping at the box office, sources say Disney has decided to quietly pull the plug on its upcoming movie Brokeback Woody.
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Vatican Promises Next Pope Will Be A Woman Of Color
VATICAN CITY—Amid rumors that Pope Francis will soon abdicate the See of Peter, the Sacred College of Cardinals has pledged to choose a woman of color as the next pope.
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Scholars Now Believe Moses Shouted, ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS!’ Before Dropping His Staff And Drowning The Egyptians
RED SEA—According to a recently uncovered ancient diary, Biblical scholars now believe that we may now know the words Moses spoke after leading the Israelites out of Egypt and fleeing Ramses with his army. The journal entry states that…