AUSTIN, TX—Podcaster Joe Rogan has announced that he’s feeling better but is still going around with a long face and is feeling a little hoarse after recovering from his illness with a concoction of drugs prescribed by his doctor.
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NEW YORK, NY—Planned Parenthood has hired a new president and spokesperson: Anakin Skywalker. The women’s “health” organization was reportedly looking for new leadership that could really improve the speed and efficiency with which they slaughter children. But they were having trouble finding anyone who hates kids as much as they do.
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