U.S.—Following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Democrats nationwide have been accusing the Supreme Court of taking rights from “women.” Onlookers have confirmed this to be confusing, as it seems to suggest that Democrats do in fact k…
Author: The Babylon Bee
Delivery Guy Patiently Waits ‘Til You’re In Bathroom To Deliver Package That Requires Signature
U.S.—Shocking new research has revealed that delivery persons carrying sensitive packages will oftentimes hide in the bushes outside the delivery address until the intended recipient is in the bathroom, at which point they will jump ou…
Dems Pause January 6 Hearings To Call For Insurrection
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have temporarily pushed pause on the January 6th hearings in order to lead an insurrection against the federal government.
The post Dems Pause January 6 Hearings To Call For Insurrect…
Kavanaugh Burns Down His Home Just To Get It Over With
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources in the D.C. area, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh decided to “go ahead and get it over with” and burn his own home down before tonight’s protests break out.
The post Kavanaugh Burns Down His Home Just To Get It Over With appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
‘Pretty Cool We Overturned Roe, Right Fellas?’ Says David French Trying To Sit At Trump Voters’ Lunch Table
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Following the U.S. Supreme Court’s 6-3 ruling overturning the constitutionality of Roe v. Wade, columnist David French was seen trying to sit at the cool lunch table filled with Trump voters.
The post ‘Pretty Cool We Overturned Roe, Right Fellas?’ Says David French Trying To Sit At Trump Voters’ Lunch Table appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
Authorities Warn Tonight’s Protests May Escalate From ‘Mostly Peaceful’ To ‘Somewhat Peaceful’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Homeland Security has raised the level of its National Protest Advisory System (NPAS) from "Mostly Peaceful" to "Somewhat Peaceful" in response to swelling crowds outside the Supreme Court Building….
Leaps Of Joy Felt In Millions Of Wombs Across Nation
US—Across the country, a "mysterious leap" was reportedly felt in the wombs of millions of women which experts say may be linked to the recent SCOTUS decision which overturned Roe v. Wade, rendering abortion no longer a protected feder…
Roe V. Wade Aborted In 198th Trimester
U.S.—After making it to the 198th trimester, Roe V. Wade has been aborted. Conceived all the way back on January 22, 1973, Roe V. Wade has been struck down after a decision was passed down today by the Supreme Court.
10 More Taxes The Government Should Pause Forever
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Man Takes Shot Every Time CNN Says ‘January 6’, Dies
HARRISONBURG, VA—This week, fraternity member Bill Williamson died from alcohol poisoning during a drinking game. The rules of the game were simple: take a shot of whiskey every time the phrase "January 6" is uttered on CNN.