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Author: Babylon Bee
Nancy Pelosi Leading The Charge For Biden Administration To Forgive Bar Tabs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On the heels of news that the Biden Administration is forgiving tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of student loan debt, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi began pushing the White House to offer the same relief to Americans with outstanding…
Dad Again Uses Kids As Excuse To Get McDonald’s
GOSHEN, IN — Local father of three Kirk Watson once again exploited his children’s insatiable desire for fast food to get himself some McDonald’s, say sources.
Biden To Forgive $10k In Student Loans — In Unrelated News, Nation’s Colleges Raise Tuition By $10k
HARVARD, MA — President Biden announced plans today to forgive $10,000 in student loan debt for anyone making less than $125k per year. In completely unrelated news, the nation’s colleges and universities announced plans to immediately raise tuition by…
‘Starbucks Made Me The Wrong Drink’ And 10 Other Times Capitalism Failed
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Family Spends Enjoyable Video Call With Grandma’s Ceiling
OMAHA, NE — The Swanson family spent an enjoyable Sunday afternoon gathered around their iPad on a long video call with Grandma and Grandpa’s ceiling.
Paul Pelosi Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To Return To Nancy Pelosi In 5 Days
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Insider trading expert and husband of the Speaker of the House Paul Pelosi has pleaded guilty to a DUI charge and has been sentenced to live with Nancy Pelosi again after 5 days in prison.
‘Rings Of Power’ Showrunners Clarify That Any Resemblance To The Works Of Tolkien Is Purely Coincidental
U.S. — A clip from a live Q&A with the cast and crew of Amazon’s upcoming The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power television series went viral Tuesday when showrunners clarified any resemblance to the works of Tolkien was purely coincidental.
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Man Patiently Waits For Neighbor To Go Back Inside So He Can Get To His Car Without Small Talk
THOUSAND OAKS, CA — This week, local man Mark Swiss headed for his door but stopped short when he saw his chatty neighbor Steve lingering near the driveway. According to eyewitnesses, Swiss displayed unusual patience as he peeked through his blinds and…
Liz Cheney To Replace Abraham Lincoln On Five-Dollar Bill
WASHINGTON, DC — In a controversial announcement, the U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing unveiled plans to replace Abraham Lincoln’s portrait on the five-dollar bill with one of Wyoming Congresswoman Liz Cheney.