WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez disputed claims of Republicans who claim the U.S. has devolved into a banana republic following the raid on former President Trump’s Florida residence, saying that America is more like a Forever 21.
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Author: Babylon Bee
Theologians Confirm Chips And Salsa Were Blessed In Eternity Past And May Be Eaten Before Prayer
WORLD — Scholars have finally confirmed that it’s not necessary to say a blessing for pre-meal chips and salsa, as they were already blessed in eternity past before the foundations of the world.
‘The FBI Raid On Melania’s Closet Was Justified,’ Says Merrick Garland Wearing Gorgeous New Evening Gown And Sun Hat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With many Americans up in arms over the unprecedented raid of former President Trump’s residence in Mar-a-Lago by the FBI, Attorney General Garland released a statement to assure everyone the raid was completely justified. Eyewitness…
Stephen King Estate Reveals He Died Years Ago And His Twitter Account Is Being Run By A Mentally Ill, Glue-Sniffing Parrot With Tourette’s
BANGOR, ME — Stephen King fans have long been perplexed as to how the man who wrote The Shining, the Dark Tower series, and Misery could possibly be the same guy who logs onto Twitter and tweets like a 7-year-old chimpanzee with anger issues.
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To Restore Trust With Americans, FBI Names New Director Burt Macklin
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden fired FBI Director Christopher Wray Friday and appointed a new director that he hopes will restore American trust in the organization. Burt Macklin, a 20-year veteran of the bureau, will take command immediately.
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FBI Raids Nicolas Cage’s Home After Tip He Has Declaration Of Independence
LAS VEGAS, NV — The FBI raided the home of Nicholas Cage in the early morning hours Friday after an anonymous tip that he had stolen the Declaration of Independence.
Hilarious, Fun, Loving Dad Who Knows Everything Turns Into Lame, Boring Moron The Moment Boy Turns 14
MEMPHIS, TN — According to sources, local dad Trey Marson is historically known by his kids as the most hilarious, fun, smart dad on earth. Unfortunately, he recently announced his son’s 14th birthday — marking his transition into a totally lame and bo…
Gamers Eagerly Await The Release Of ‘Call Of Duty: IRS Auditor’
SANTA MONICA, CA — Activision Blizzard introduced the world to its latest entry in the Call of Duty franchise, entitled Call of Duty: IRS Auditor. Developed by Treyarch Studios, IRS Auditor will take gamers on an epic adventure full of national warfare…
Angel Outside Trump’s Empty Safe Tells FBI Agents, ‘Behold! The Document You Seek Is Not Here!’
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — New reports from Mar-a-Lago indicate that during Monday’s raid, FBI agents searching the house ran quickly to see the safe only to find it empty with an angel of the Lord standing beside it. According to eyewitnesses, the FBI agents tr…
Want To Be One Of The New IRS Agents? Here Are The 17 Job Requirements
President Biden just solved the economy by creating thousands of IRS jobs! We know you’ve always dreamed of working for the IRS, but do you have what it takes?