Now that former President Trump has officially been indicted, everyone wants to know how this whole ordeal will unfold. Here are the nine things that will be happening next:
Author: Babylon Bee
Americans Disappointed To Learn Biden Presidency Not An April Fool’s Prank
U.S. – Americans were deeply disappointed upon learning today that the Biden presidency was not, in fact, an elaborate April Fool’s joke.
Man Who Exited Elevator On Wrong Floor Forced To Re-Enter And Complete Remainder Of Ride In Shame
OVERLAND PARK, KS — A local man brought great shame upon himself and his entire family today after exiting an elevator on the wrong floor, resulting in him having to get back on the elevator with the same people and finish the rest of the ride in disgr…
Aidan Getting Excited For Annual Chance To Whack Sister With Palm Branch
AMES, IA — Local six-year-old Aidan Thompson is greatly looking forward to the annual opportunity to spend an entire morning whacking his sister with a palm branch.
Trump Uses His One Phone Call to Ring Up Ron DeSantis And Yell At Him
NEW YORK, NY — Family, friends, and legal advisors of President Donald Trump were confused after learning Trump used his one phone call to contact Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and berate him from his location in a New York jail.
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Scientists Discover Strong Correlation Between Trusting Government And Eating Paint Chips
PRINCETON, NJ — Scientists have concluded a years-long study confirming the indisputable correlation between people putting trust in their government and people also eating paint chips.
Media Worried This Hitler Fellow Could Cause Violent Backlash Against Nazis
U.S. — Members of the media are calling for caution in their reporting after a German-identified man named Adolf Hitler (he/him) suddenly called the Jewish people a “race-tuberculosis of the peoples” and implemented a final solution to wipe them off th…
Pelosi: ‘We Have To Convict Trump On The Charges To Find Out What Is In Them’
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Centuries-Old Architectural Marvel Perfect Location For Burger King Billboard
LONDON — A successful marketing firm in the U.K. has come up with an ingenious plan, deciding that the centuries-old landmark Piccadilly Circus is an ideal place for an enormous Burger King billboard.